There are
many expats living in the Gulf region, but only a few are fortunate enough to
meet Arabs and have contact with. We here have that fortune and luck, many
expats dream of. Since ‘Ar’ar is relatively small (roughly 240.000
inhabitants), and our work has to deal and do with the Arabs, we have constant
contact with them. We live with and not only among them. This is how we came to
the wedding invitation. A few teachers were invited by students last Friday
evening to a wedding and for us it was the event of the year! Last Thursday a
second year student invited me to a wedding, but I could not understand all his
words, as I was surrounded by my students who wanted something from me and were
making a lot of noise. Although I could understand that it would take place at
the hall opposite our residence and would start at 8.30pm, I couldn’t hear the
day he was saying. That’s why I asked my Egyptian colleague, who in turn was
invited along with a Brit and a Bengali to a wedding on Friday night, but in
the centre and not here. He however made some calls, but could not find any
information.
Friday
night, however, I saw the Africans from the University of Missouri,
who teach the second year students, fully dressed in Arab costume, leaving our
residence for the wedding I was supposed to go to.
Never mind.
I went to the other. When we arrived at the wedding hall, there was a traffic
jam and the car park was packed. That’s why we had to park somewhere else. As
we walked through the car park towards the entrance of the wedding hall, I
looked around and saw nothing but 5- and 6-Litre SUV's, Mercedes and BMW's (just
7 Series and S-Class, no small and cheap toys like the ones we have) and many
other luxury cars.
The
entrance was big and there was a reception room. In that room were fluffy sofas
where some people were already sitting and in the middle of the room was a
table full of sweets. In addition, there were some other tables at the side
with coffee, tea and drinks. From this room we walked into the vestibule, from
where you could go to the bathrooms, to the dinning rooms and to the actual
festival hall. In the vestibule were our students waiting and welcome us very
warmly hearted. We did the classic hand shaking and kissed each other
traditionally on the cheeks – twice on the right. Then they led us into the
huge hall on the extent of a football field. In this hall were sofas in rows
facing each other and between them were little tables with sweets and drinks.
We walked to the end of the hall where the dance floor was and where the
families of the grooms were seated on chairs, arm chairs and sofas along the
wall. We shook quite a few hands again before our students led us to a seating
area in the corner facing the dance floor and the family. There were two tables
in front of us with sweets and drinks. Suddenly, a young Arab came with little
cups and a coffee pot and poured us coffee. You can’t really call the Arab
coffee, coffee, it’s more a flavoured coffee based drink with herbs that tastes
deliciously. The Saudi filled the cups an inch and refilled if we wished so. My
British colleague asked how long the Saudi would stand in front of us refilling
our cups and got as an answer: Either until we no longer want any coffee or the
pot is empty. Well, at some point the pot was empty and so he left.
A few more
students and relatives of the grooms came to greet us. We were on a double
wedding. Two cousins married on the same day two women. At some point I looked
around me and began to ask questions. As you can see on the photographs in the
gallery, we were among men. I was somehow expecting it to be like this, but I
wanted to know more.
Since
things in the kingdom are more conservative than anywhere else, everything is
like in Europe in the olden times. The
weddings are arranged. At the beginning information is retrieved and then start
the negotiations. Both, bride and groom learn quite a bit about the other, but
they don’t see each other. If there is interest, a meeting will be arranged.
For this, an entourage of the groom’s side goes to the prospective bride’s home
and both families meet and get to know each other. This is where the two get a
few minutes in private to talk and get to know each other. They don’t have to
agree on a wedding if they don’t want to. Both have the right to refuse. But in
case both like each other, they get engaged and during this period they have
the possibility to meet again, but never alone. There is always somebody
with them. A chaperone.
But there
are also cases in which the bride and the groom see each other fort he first
time at the wedding, because they come from ultra-conservative families. They
can decide on the spot whether they want to take that step or not. Both have
the right to refuse.
The day
before the wedding, all women meet at the house of the bride and celebrate all
day and night. They sing, dance and paint each other with henna, etc. On that
day, the belongings of the bride are brought to the groom’s house or to their
common house if they have one. On the wedding day the contract is signed,
without a clergy and/or registrar. And in the evening is the big celebration.
In the same hall, but each on their side. There is no mixing.
Eventually
the grooms went over to the women’s section. One after another and only for a
few minutes. They were announced, so that the women have the opportunity to put
on their abayas and veils and cover themselves. Among themselves they are not
veiled and wear normal clothes. Later on the couples disappear and go home.
They use this moment to be alone for the first time ever, while everyone else
is at the wedding celebrating.
At some
point we were asked to get up to go to dinner. As we entered the rooms, we saw
that everything had already been done. Dinner was ready and waited for us. Rice
with camel meat, various fruit and drinks. Of course and as always we ate on
the floor without cutlery. For us two Europeans were to plastic spoons
organised.
Then we
went back to the hall. On the way to our seats, we passed a bunch of kids, whom
I shook hands with. From this moment onwards they ran behind me and wanted to
talk and take photographs.
Shortly
thereafter began the party. First the fathers of the two grooms came with other
men and sang and danced with swords. I was standing in the audience taking
photos and making videos. One of the fathers discovered me (which is not
difficult at all with my height and appearance) and invited me to dance. Since
he did not accept a ‘no’ as an answer, I had to dance, whether I wanted or not.
I danced first without and then with a sword. It was a great honour for both.
The Arabs feel very honoured if a white man visits them. That’s why I didn’t
say no and took part. Videos can be found at the end and photos in the gallery.
Then came
the drummers and people drummed, sang and danced. So, I took part in the fun
again. This went on for a long time and then came a singer with a musician and
the guests formed a circle and danced all night long. We didn’t stay until the
early hours, because we were tired. We said goodbye to our students, to the
relatives and I said farewell to the kids and so we drove off with a smile from
ear to ear.
This blog is available on Amazon:
Theo of Arabia ebook
Theo of Arabia paperback
Photos can be seen here (opens in new window)
Videos:
